Every once and a while the replay will flash through my head. RE and I chatting about making an appointment with my midwife. Insertion of the ultrasound wand. Idle chit chat. And then the room goes quiet. The doctors become a bit more tense. The idle chit chat stalls.
And then it becomes obvious, even to me, that there isn’t a heartbeat. I reached for Big Guy’s hand. I could feel my heart racing. I started to sweat.
The doctor said, “Unfortunately, it appears as if there isn’t a heartbeat. As you can see here, the yolk sac is unusually large.”
At this point I was already crying. I averted my face. They removed the wand and left to give us a few moments.
I think the instant replay carries the most pain when I remember Big Guy’s face and his sad, sad tears. I’m so sorry for your loss, Big Guy. You are my favorite.