Every once and a while the replay will flash through my head.  RE and I chatting about making an appointment with my midwife.  Insertion of the ultrasound wand. Idle chit chat.  And then the room goes quiet.  The doctors become a bit more tense.  The idle chit chat stalls.

And then it becomes obvious, even to me, that there isn’t a heartbeat.  I reached for Big Guy’s hand.  I could feel my heart racing.  I started to sweat.

The doctor said, “Unfortunately, it appears as if there isn’t a heartbeat.  As you can see here, the yolk sac is unusually large.”

At this point I was already crying.  I averted my face.  They removed the wand and left to give us a few moments.

I think the instant replay carries the most pain when I remember Big Guy’s face and his sad, sad tears.  I’m so sorry for your loss, Big Guy. You are my favorite.