Monthly Archives: April 2012

Some Truths.

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Truth: Infertility is not an exact science. Unless I walk around trailing a vagcam and ultrasound machine, I cannot and will not know exactly what is happening.  Even though I want to.

Truth: Infertility is hard.  We all know this.  I totally freaked out last Friday when my body didn’t do what I thought it was going to do, what it had been doing consistently for a long time; that is, produce a nice thermal shift.  My temperature this morning was at 98.6.  That is a high temperature.  A thermal shift, per se.  I did not exercise patience or trust.

Truth: My internet support group is awesome. The comments, the suggestions, the combined wisdom and experience called me back from the edge.  Thanks ladies.  You all rock.

Truth: Infertility is expensive.  We have lived in Orange County for 18 months now, largely on one income.  It is not a six figure income.  Not even close, and, with this cycle, we have now ventured past diagnostics and into the world of infertility treatment.  It is entirely out of pocket. So far this cycle can be broken down as follows:

Metformin – $10

Ultrasound #1 – $110

Bloodwork (FSH & E2) – $140

Clomid – $38.50

Ultrasound #2 – $110

Ultrasound #3 – $110

Bloodwork (Progesterone) – $70

Total (thus far) – $585.50

Part of the aforementioned overreaction was based upon the costs we have incurred on this cycle.  This is not a sustainable plan.

Truth: Big Guy works in the desert and is living out of a hotel room. Big Guy’s client will pay for our rent if we move to the Coachella Valley.  We are moving to the Coachella Valley in order to save an unseemly amount of money each month on rent. This will allow us to save money for future infertility treatments.

Truth: The desert is really fucking hot in the summer.

Stupid Temperature.

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I woke up yesterday at the appointed time and popped the BBT thermometer in my mouth. When it beeped telling me it was complete, I squinted my eyes and peered at the reading – 97.4. I thought, “That’s not right! That’s not a post-O temperature!” So, I took my temperature again and it told me my temp was 97.1. What?! Not only not a post-O temperature, but not consistent. I grabbed my glasses and turned on the light and went for the third reading, and the thermometer gave me the battery signal. “Phew” I thought, “It is just the battery, nothing wrong here.

I went about my business yesterday, but for the sake of due diligence I checked my cervix (hard and closed much like Fort Knox) and the mucus (tacky like glue), and I bought another BBT thermometer. All signs said non-fertile so surely the temperature was a fluke. In fact, I was so confident that I cancelled my appointment with my RE to check and make sure I ovulated. I thought I would save myself the drive back to Orange County, as well as saving ourselves $175 dollars for the ultrasound and the bloodwork.

Surely you know where this is going.

This morning I woke up early at 5 am. Ninety minutes earlier than my usual morning call. Same drill. I popped my new thermometer in my mouth and waited for the beep. I pulled it out and it was 97.7. Too low. I took my temperature with the old thermometer and it gave my 97.7. My temperature was 97.7, for real.

As one can imagine, this was and is distressing. It actually was ugly-cry distressing. Not just the seeping eye cry, but the ugly sob cry. That cry only rears its ugly head every once and a while. So I cried. And then I spent some time thinking about why I did not have a thermal shift. It was 5 am. I had a lot of time to think about it.

Option One: I did not ovulate. Despite the two 21 mm follicles on my right ovary, despite the strongest LH surge I’ve ever had, despite the days of fertile cervical mucus, and despite the hCG trigger shot, I did not ovulate. My ovaries defied all odds and didn’t release the eggs.  Because the follicles dissolved or disappeared, there is no corpus luteum to produce the progesterone.  Without the progesterone there is no thermal shift.

Reaction to Option One: Utter disappointment. Things were looking so good. Why wouldn’t I ovulate? I ovulate on my own without either Metformin or Clomid. Metform ensures I ovulate regularly. Clomid was supposed to create a stronger ovulation. On top of this, I took a $75 trigger shot that ensured I would ovulate. Why would I NOT ovulate? If $435 worth of interventions only ensured I would NOT ovulate, what the fuck am I doing? Why don’t I just leave well enough alone?

Option Two: I ovulated, but my progesterone levels are ridiculously low.  So low that a thermal shift is not evident. On top of everything else, I also have some sort of luteal phase defect.  Alternatively, I am going to have a slow rise as described in an appendix of  TTCOYF, which may or may not be indicative of a luteal phase defect.

Reaction to Option Two: Well, at least it’s treatable.  What’s another shot of progesterone in the ass at this point? Not much.  But why did my miscarriage create an issue with my luteal phase?

Option Three: I called my naturopath.  She thinks Option Two occurred.  She also put it out there that in her practice she has seen women not experience a thermal shift when they have multiple follicles.  One follicle releases the egg, the others don’t release eggs but are still active, this suppresses the production of progesterone by the corpus luteum.

Reaction to Option Three: Skeptical.

What to do now? Not much.  I called my RE’s office and explained that I cancelled the appointment today because I am still in Palm Springs, however could I please submit some blood to the nearest lab? The receptionist was going to call me back when the lab order was submitted.  That was six hours ago.

I also double-checked my cervix.  Still locked down like the Alamo.  Definitely not fertile.

Here’s a question for the charting ladies.  I read in several sources that one should adjust the temperature depending on the time you wake up.  It should be adjusted .1 degree Fahrenheit for every half an hour.  I’ve practiced this since I started charting.  I’ve played with my charts, looking at whether or not it changed patterns or ovulation dates.  It never has.  Except today.  If I adjust the temperature for this morning, I get 98.0.  If I also throw out the low temperature yesterday because of the faulty battery, I get a biphasic chart, but only if I adjust the temperature.  That feels like a lot of IFs and BUTs. I’m not interested in deluding myself.

Has anyone heard of adjusting temps based upon the time?

The Egg Has Hatched.

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I ovulated.  Based upon the pain on my right side, I would say that it was around 9 pm last night.  My temperature spiked nicely this morning shooting up and into my typical post-O zone. Some might say the egg has hatched.

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Really, I just wanted an excuse to include a photo my my adorable niece holding a itty-bitty, tiny turkey baby.  She loves the turkey babies. This adorable kid is the same one that gives the Stink Eye at will. Watch out world.

As of today I am officially in Day One of the 2ww.  This is my first “real” 2ww since I started blogging, so I should prepare you.  After studying hundreds, if not thousands, of charts on Fertility Friend, I have decided that testing early and often is the best course of action.  False negatives only happen every once and a while, so pee away! I like to start around 9 or 10 DPO.

Speaking of peeing away, I am going to test out the trigger. (Really this means that I will be testing everyday until I get my period.)  My test this morning? Uber-positive.  Man, it really does bring a jolt even when you know it isn’t real.  As for that hCG, well the site of the injection is ridiculously painful.  As in painful to the touch, painful to move, just plain painful.  It is also swollen, hot and red.  Thank goodness I picked up the alcohol wipes or I would be freaking out about infection right now.

I’m dutifully eating my pineapple core and thinking positive thoughts.  Implant baby egg! Implant!

OPK’s Really Can Be Positive.

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OMG. I got a for real positive OPK this morning.  All this time, all those sticks, never a positive one in sight.  Don’t misunderstand me here. I have been ovulating, but it is a “weak” ovulation (in the words of my RE).  When I am getting closer to ovulation my OPKs always kinda look positive if you squint and dim the lights.  I count that as positive.  But, this morning? A for real positive, as in a test line darker than a control line.  That was really fucking fun.

Due to the fact that I’m living out of a hotel room with Big Guy in Palm Springs, I quickly realized that I did not have the alcohol wipes for the trigger shot.  I briefly considered skipping the alcohol wipe, but then had some misgivings about the potential of an infection. So, I ambled on over to Rite Aid and picked up some wipes.  I was planning on putzing around the interwebs at a coffee shop, so I stirred things up in my car and injected myself in my belly in the parking lot.

While mixing things up I briefly wondered if anyone was going to become alarmed at the sight of a woman clearly preparing a syringe of something in her car in the parking lot of a Rite Aid.  Mid-injection I heard sirens right behind me.  ”For real?”, I thought.  Not for real.  An ambulance passing through.  However, for one moment I envisioned lecturing some police officers about infertility sensitivity and NIAW.

This is my first trigger shot, so I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I was alarmed at the stinging and burning.  It lasted for about ten minutes.  About an hour later I noticed that the injection site was kinda poofy and painful to touch. This hasn’t gone away. My sensitive right ovary is no longer sensitive. My cervix is no longer quite so fertile. I’m now bloated and exhausted.  I feel as if I climbed a mountain today.  I did not.  I went to the post office, drank some decaf at a coffee shop while madly preparing ICLW comments, ate at a natural grocery, and watched the latest episode of Revenge.  This is not climbing a mountain.

Anyone else have a weird reaction to the trigger at the injection sight? Any other side effects I should be aware of?

 

Down Under.

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Things are lookin’ good down there, down under.

I was scheduled to return to the RE tomorrow morning.  She wanted to catch me right before ovulation to make sure the Clomid didn’t decimate my lining.  However, my temps, cervix, fluids, and ovaries insisted I change the appointment to this morning.  During the ultrasound we found two follicles on the right at 21 mm each.  Two!

My lining wasn’t so bad, at 7.5 mm.  If I haven’t ovulated by tomorrow morning, I’m going to trigger and the fun begins.

Meanwhile, Big Guy departed for the desert early this morning for work.  Given the timing, his early departure ensured that I also had a early wake-up call.  I followed him out to Palm Springs after the appointment with the RE.  I think he feels a bit like a stud horse, but, hey, we gotta do what we gotta do!