Well, I missed the opportunity to be a reality TV star. See, I’m a big fan of both reality television and documentaries. I think I am interesting. Surely, I would make a good reality television star, right?
No, not really. I’m too private and introspective. And not nearly interesting enough. However, it didn’t stop me from responding to a casting call for an infertility docu-series. They didn’t want us. Turns out that when they say Southern California, they actually mean LA. I know there are some LA readers out there, so I thought I would pass along the information.
Alas, this is not the year I am discovered.
The first thing I would have done after I was “discovered” through an infertility docu-series is hire someone to pack my house. (Because, you know, this would lead to instant riches.) I am not a good packer. Packing for a weekend away brings me to my knees. I either under- or over-pack at every opportunity. Big Guy is in the desert working, and he works a lot. I just kinda hang out. So, the packing is going to fall squarely on my shoulders. It is safe to say that it is my Achilles Heel, if it is possible to have multiple Achilles Heels, that is.
Another Achilles Heel? The 2ww. Right now I’m just testing away the trigger. At 8 dpo, things are making their way back to negative, but I would say that the hCG level is still above 75. I base this solely on what my tests looked like when I actually was pregnant and was able to cross-reference with blood tests. Now, I know this is controversial, but I am going to say it anyway. I would expect the test to start getting darker in the next couple of days if I am pregnant. Why? Well, when I got pregnant the first time I was rewarded with a positive test at 10 dpo. Now I have an assumption that testing early works regardless of the variables involved. Really, it just enables my POAS addiction.
I find myself optimistic and hopeful, which isn’t really a blessing. I would love to be able to discount this cycle. That way I wouldn’t be disappointed or hurt when I get a BFN. But now, with all this hope and optimism floating around, I am bound to be disappointed. Because, let’s face it, the statistics show that a clomid cycle for an infertile increases the odds of conception from 2% to 7%, and that is being generous.
Ladies, the odds are not in my favor. If I were in the Hunger Games, I would die.