As I’ve lamented ad nauseam, I really wanted to ride out this recession by being pregnant and having a baby. That didn’t work. And, as the new jobs report reveals, it isn’t working. So, as I begin to emerge from the dark hole of PCOS/RPL gloom, I am starting to look to the future and make some plans. As I’m typing, I’ve developed both personal and professional items. I’ll post the personal list today, and the professional stuff tomorrow. (Primarily because I think this might be incredibly dry reading for most everyone, except for me.)
Hopefully, by plastering these items on the blogosphere, I will have some motivation to stay true to my goals.
1. I’ve got my eye on a Political Philosophy course from Yale that I’m pretty excited about. As shocking as it may seem for some, I made it all the way to a PhD without taking a proper philosophy course. It is shameful, really. Well, I did take a feminist epistemology course with an amazing feminist philosophy scholar, but it wasn’t really a philosophy class but, rather, a critique of research methodologies across many different disciplines. It was pretty awesome, but it was not a philosophy course. I like to learn, so here’s to Aristotle & Friends.
2. I turned into a serious couch potato when finishing my degree. I sat in front of my computer for up to 10 hours each day and rarely took breaks. I was as sedentary as one could possibly be. This, combined with my special ability to store fat like a chipmunk going into hibernation, meant that my body fat was at an all time high. Thank you PCOS. My weight was consistent at 140, but my body fat was up there. I didn’t need a pair of fat calipers to tell me that. So, after my first miscarriage I took a hike in an effort to restore body and soul. It was hard. Harder than it should have been. I then decided I needed to start working out again, and I jumped into the Couch to 5K workout that so many other IF bloggers have been chatting about.
So, #2 on this list includes continuing my running workout regimen. I’m currently on week 6.5 of the Couch to 5K. I didn’t get all of the runs in during the first Week 6, so I am redoing week 6. Instead of doing the week as marked, I’m running for 22 minutes at a 10 minute mile pace three times this week. Once I finish the Couch to 5K, I want to work towards the pre-training schedule for the 10K.
I’ve read that you are only supposed to increase mileage by 10% each week, so going from 9 miles to 19 miles per week should take nine weeks. After I’ve maintained for six weeks, I hope to start the Beginner’s 10K program. I also want to stick with my weight-lifting plan, as well as yoga and Pilates classes. I’m digging it, so this will be fun.
3. I watched a documentary , Crime After Crime, about a victim of domestic violence that spent too many years in jail after being inappropriately charged in a murder case. This inspired me to volunteer at the domestic violence shelter in Coachella Valley. This isn’t the first time I’ve volunteered in the movement to end violence against women. I was a hotline advocate on the National Domestic Violence Hotline for some time while in grad school, and I also helped fundraise and support domestic violence and sexual assault organizations in Lincoln, NE, Austin, TX, and Denver, CO. But the CV organization wouldn’t have me. They only accept new volunteers in October. Sigh.
But, I came across another organization, a rescue mission, online. When the Executive Director showed up at church, while I was sitting in the back seeping from several orifices, I realized that this may be the organization that is right for me. I’m calling them today. I don’t think I have the heart to do things that I would like to be paid for as a professional ie technical writing, program evaluation, data analysis, policy analysis, drafting local ordinances or legislation, or even grant writing or event planning. However, I think I can help cook meals a couple times a week without fostering resentment.
4. Therapy. I think I would benefit from working through some of this grief and frustration and feelings of hopelessness and gloom. I would also like to curb the resentment that is beginning to grow as more and more of my friends effortlessly have babies. It isn’t their fault I’m infertile, and I sure-as-shit wouldn’t wish this on them, so I need to find a way to be at peace with their successes – both family and career successes. The process of finding a therapist is hard work, though. I’m not looking forward to it.
5. Knit & Sew! I just started knitting a blanket for my mum. It is the Umaro from Brooklyn Tweed. I’m super excited about it and hope to give it to her at Christmas. I’ve also been inspired recently by Belle’s posts on sewing, and I love the blankets and such posted on the Purl Bee. I’ve been scouring Craigslist in hopes of picking up an affordable, but serviceable, machine. Sewing, here I come.
What else? What to you all do to keep your minds, hands, and hearts busy during this long and arduous IF journey?