Because I am a masochist, I took another test. The bottom three are from this fateful morning. From top to bottom we have FMU, second pee, and third pee. The bottom test is my favorite. I stared at it as I took a shower to purge myself of all my anxiety and grief.
You guys are amazing. Thanks for your support. I really, really appreciate it, and I love when I can stick to my google ban and still get reliable and reassuring information. I loved reading about the hook effect, and I loved reading all of your reassuring words. I am feeling better albeit a bit emotionally shaky and vulnerable. I love you all.
Also, I am hosting a small giveaway of, you guessed it, 25 Wondflo pregnancy tests. For good measure, I will also throw in two Accuclear pregnancy tests that came with my last batch of OPKs. I’m going to the post office this afternoon so the first person that requests them in the comments gets them. I will contact you via email for your address.
Again, thank you, and my apologies for the terrible, terrible scare. I’m reinstating Operation Distraction.
The deed has been done. IUI#2 went off without a hitch (other than a stubborn cervix), and I had 59.1 million sperm injected straight into my uterus. Fertility Friend says I ovulated on the day of the IUI, and I am now three DPO. I wore my second pair of fertility socks from Amy at Dwelling on Dreams. This pair is particularly awesome. Grumpy. That’s what I’m going to be if this cycle is a bust. Fucking grumpy.
That’s right. Grumpy.
I’ve had some weird and disparate fertility signs since the IUI. First my cervix didn’t act like it normally does, which consists of clamping down hard and tight after ovulation. I also had some fertile mucus after my suspected ovulation. That freaked me out, and I spent some time obsessing about timing. Yesterday, at two DPO, I experienced some mild cramping and had one instance of spotting. Implantation at two DPO? Ha. Not likely. The cause? Who knows. I give up. I have no control.
Also, I’ve been conducting a bit of an experiment with charting. Since moving to the desert I find myself waking up with my mouth wide open and dry as, well, the desert. This seems to affect my temperatures a bit. So, I thought I would try temping vaginally. Don’t worry, folks, I bought a new thermometer. I’ve been taking both temps this cycle to see how they differ. By and large the vaginal temps are .5 degrees higher than the oral. This was consistent until I ovulated. Orally I saw a nice shift, but I am not seeing a shift vaginally. Big Guy suggested I try to push excess air out of my vagina prior to taking my temperature. I told him I didn’t think that would work. I suppose the moral of the story is that people primarily discuss temperatures methods as oral or anal for a reason. I don’t have the dedication to do anal temperatures. I’m not that interested in continuing my personal science project. Vaginal temping did not produce a thermal shift for me. Perhaps I can’t maintain a pregnancy because I have a frigid uterus and vagina.
My luteal phase is going to go fast. This is a welcome relief after the self-inflicted crazy of last cycle. I have a friend coming into town early this week and then we are heading back to Nebraska for my sister’s wedding. I return to the desert on 11 DPO. Our plan is to test on the morning of 12 DPO fully expecting a positive because I metabolize the trigger at a glacial rate. So, the test that matters will be at 13 DPO, or on next Wednesday morning. Darker, lighter, nonexistent? Who knows.
Here is the question: Should I pack some tests to take with me? You know, just in case I’m feeling pregnant…
And it is ONE. Yep, a one. I am so very grateful that it is less than five, or we would have benched for a cycle. They say ignorance is bliss, but I only find it maddening. We either timed the IUI wrong and I’m not 15 DPO or it was a chemical pregnancy. This would be the cycle where I decided not to chart during the luteal phase to avoid stress [Insert maniacal laughter here.] I’m grateful I can move forward without taking a break. This is a small mercy, granted by the Universe. Now, I just need to get this period started.
That’s a real titillating title, huh? It is relevant, I promise. First, I want to apologize. Like a wounded animal, I crawled into a deep, dark hole to lick my wounds, which were deep. I really can’t underscore how confident I was that this cycle was a success. You all left such hopeful and optimistic comments, and I couldn’t even drag myself out of my hole to respond in kind. If there was a recusal form on ICLW, I would have removed myself from the list. I gave up on the photo challenge, despondent about everything including a lack of harvest-related items in the desert. It is till 100 degrees. Regardless, I have not been present in this community these past four days. Again, I’m sorry. I’m a bit broken these days. Continue reading
We all need to move to Mankato, MN.
A insightful patron of a lovely bar in Mankato, MN decided that she cares deeply about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. After brainstorming for a period of time, I’m assuming over a cocktail or two, the patron approached the owner with a proposal. ”I know!”, she said, “Let’s install a pregnancy test dispenser in the women’s bathroom. If anyone is worried about drinking while pregnant, they can run to the loo and test their pee!”
The bartender, a enterprising man, himself, agreed to the idea, noting its worth. Now, the women’s restroom has a pregnancy test dispenser in it with tests accessible with an easy swipe of the card for the bargain price of three dollars.
Why should we all move to Mankato? Well, it seems a rather brilliant way to diffuse the pain of another negative test. The tests are only three dollars, and we then have access to buckets of booze. Perfect.